You Mean Your Holiday Cards aren’t Personalized?

You mean your holiday cards aren’t personalized? That’s cool. No judgment.

So…the following conversation took place between my blogging bestie and me. It started out innocently enough. I mentioned my feeling that people should sign Christmas cards…even if it’s just writing the recipient’s name and “xo”.

But my friend (blogger Keeper of the Fruit Loops) says, “ain’t nobody got time for that.” Keep in mind, she’s a Christmas over-achiever to the Martha Stewart degree.

We quickly devolved into sarcastic hilarity.. No hard feelings for anyone (including readers). But I thought it was post-worthy. Feel free to weigh in on the debate. If we agree, you get a gold star. If we disagree, well..you’re wrong. But we are still friends, and I’ll still send you a Christmas card (personalized).

ECKnox: I need to do my Christmas cards.

Keeper of the Fruit Loops: That’s on my list, too. Ugh.

ECK: I know. It’s so much work. Does anyone care?

KFL: I like getting them.

ECK: Yeah. It’s nice.

KFL: I’m getting mine out tomorrow.

ECK: Shut up.

KFL: Suck it. I got them the other day.

ECK: I’m trying to figure out if I can blog about my annoyance with people who don’t personalize and sign their cards…without offending my few friends who do this. And no one wants to read some sanctimonious soap box diatribe.

KFL: <unseals ECK Christmas card and writes trite note>

ECK: LOL. Seriously suppressing laughter in Starbucks.

KLF: LMAO

ECK: I KNOW you don’t pull this. You’re Xmas over achiever. But if you do – you DESERVE to read my soapbox diatribe.

KLF: Wait. Are you talking about photo cards, too? I am so guilty, then.

ECK: ABSOLUTELY!!! YOU HAVE TO SIGN THEM AND AT LEAST PERSONALIZE IT BY WRITING MY NAME. YOU MEAN YOUR HOLIDAY CARDS AREN’T PERSONALIZED? WHAT IS THE F’ING POINT OF SENDING GLAMOUR SHOTS OF FAUX FAMILY HAPPY MOMENTS WITHOUT AT LEAST LETTING THE PERSON KNOW YOU TOOK 30 F’ING SECONDS TO THINK ABOUT THEM. TO REALLY REFLECT AND WRITE OUT THE LETTER OF THEIR NAME?

Omg. I cannot believe I’m yelling at you about this. You’re kidding, right? Just call me Mr. Manners. I know. Gays. So belligerent about shit that doesn’t matter.

KLF: Your anger is palpable. I’m peeing I’m laughing so hard.

ECK: I know. My anger is real. Clearly this requires a liquor-fueled debate. Come to NYC tomorrow.

KLF: I can’t. I have 125 CARDS TO PERSONALIZE!

ECK: I have 143. It’s called double-tasking “Homeland” after the kids are asleep.

KLF: Double-tasking? How is that any more personal?

ECK: I’m not hand-writing 100 letters like my mom did, 20 years ago. But it’s the act of taking time and thinking about your close friends.

KLF: I hand write the addresses. Is that enough?

ECK: Uhhh…slight consolation prize. Literally the most impersonal part of the card process. Omg, is this our first fight? We’ll get over it. Are you weeping?

KLF: Weeping, yes. From laughing at you.

ECK: Writing on the envelope? Well, barely. It’s something. But it should be on the card.

KLF: Your outrage is palpable and it’s making me pee my pants.

ECK: It’s unjust. UNJUST I tell you. Just, “here’s a card of my famulous life that’s so full of fun and I’m so rich and have tons of passion in my life and I travel to the Mediterranean thrice yearly and I’m ust going to make a robot rub all my success in your facewithout reaching out to show I actually care by WRITING A SIMPLE X AND O DIRECTED TO YOU, JUST YOU.”

KFL: i even used the two gay guys for your stamp. THATS PERSONALIZATION.

KFL (continued): But when will you actually send your cards? February? That’s offensive. MINE GO OUT TOMORROW, BUDDY.

ECK: Mine might arrive before Christmas. Sometimes the 24^th. But THEY WILL BE

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That took forever to write.

KFL: Mine better not suck.

ECK: Gay stamp is hilarious. Fine.

KFL: Don’t be a gay stamp hater.

ECK: Peppermint Patty would have been gayer.

KFL: But riddle me this? Xmas letters?

ECK: I’ll write them.

KFL: WHAT? I loathe them. So help me, if you send me one…

ECK: No, no, no. Not for you. Or people I’m close to. Or even regular Facebook friends.

KFL: Why bother?

ECK: For people I’m really out of contact w? And 70-year-olds?

KFL: But what do you write?

ECK: Sometimes just their names and x and o and my name.

KFL: How on earth is that PERSONAL?

ECK: Because I took the time! Once a year, our relationship meant enough to me to take 30 seconds to write directly to you. I thought about you, your face was in my mind, I took a moment to reflect on us; on you. So even if it’s “x” and “o”, it was for you. And that’s important.

KFL: I can’t even believe I’m saying this: I’m taking every GD card out and singing our GD names. I CANNOT BE AN UNDERACHIEVER. DAMN YOU.

Clearly ECKnox won this debate. Making the world one righteous soap box at a time. Wait. You mean your holiday cards aren’t personalized?

Epilogue…

A few more choice texting tid-bits

And finally…